It's the first day of pride month, and to be truthish, it's never really been something I've paid much mind about in the past. Other than it's the best time of the year to see a bunch of photos of hot guys on twitter wearing rainbow jock straps and harnesses in public, which, yes, more of that please.
My own identity has been something I haven't thought much on in what feels like ages. I've always been into men, really really really into men, which you could probably guess just by looking at the stuff I draw. But when it comes to taking those desires and fantasies into the real life, I've never really felt much need or want for sex, like, ever, really.
When I was 19 or so, I briefly tried on identifying as asexual with a few people in college, but I wrestled back and forth on whether I "counted" back then. I got horny as fuck, I look at porn, I DRAW porn, I dated men. But sex? Actual, physical sex with someone else? It's always felt like work. Like giving someone else a backrub, it's a nice thing you're doing for them, but it's never done anything for me.
I spent a good chunk of my twenties trying out all sorts of methods and positions, trying to see if maybe I just hadn't found what worked. It's just not really my thing! My friends and family already know me as gay, and I've never really felt the need to say "oh, by the way, I AM gay, but also I'm kinda asexual, just FYI." I've never really felt like I was in the closet, but I do sometimes feel a wish to own a little Ace-flag button now and then, but hold myself back to avoid the conversations.
Idk where I'm going with this. Ultimately I doubt I'll ever really have a serious conversation with people in my life IRL about it. But here, in the cozy privacy of my webzone, I don't think it'd hurt to finally say it out loud.