08/02/2023: Hot Tub Thots

So this evening I'm drinking some gifted chardonnay while sitting in the inflatable hot tub I bought off Walmart as I type this on my phone. I'm in a weird headspace today, and I believe it's largely based on stress and discomfort regarding certain artists I've followed over the years.

I like to think that I am a pretty open minded person when it comes to sex and sexuality. For virtually all of my life I've subscribed to the notion of "If it's fiction, then it's fine". I've never given much credence to the idea of porn corrupting people, making them more violent, etc. That said, in the last few weeks, I've been noticing a lot of trending patterns in myself and other artists I follow, and I can't help but feel concerned.

I've followed a lot of artists for a long time, who initially drew all kinds of art that catered to all kinds of kinks and content. occasionally it would dip into incest or shota, but it seems pretty consistently that each of these artists have transitioned into ONLY drawing incest. And then it became ONLY drawing incest shota. And then it became JUST incest "nepi" and that's just honestly too much for me.. Is "nepi" really that much of a commonly shared fetish? Is it coincidence that so many artists have become consumed with only drawing this specific and admittedly extreme and shocking content, or have they all- perhaps subconsciously, reached this alarming conclusion as a result of pushing back against Anti sentiment?

I do maintain, sincerely, that with a solid grip on reality and a clear understanding of right and wrong, fantasy and harm, fictional fantasies are not dangerous... But I can also believe the theory that consuming certain drawn taboo porn, drawing certain taboo porn, following and being followed by artists who draw it, and building a community around these fetishes... I believe that it can easily lead into a sort of peer pressure to gradually explore deeper and deeper into more extreme fetishes together.

I can buy this, because I can also look at my own art, the art I enjoy, the tag words I look up on pornhub or E-hentai, and I can see how I've gotten myself pigeonholed into such specific kinks, that I often struggle wading through pages upon pages of porn to find something taboo enough to get my sparks flying. When did this happen, and is it possible to deprogram my brain to simply enjoy a sexy dude without all the elaborate bells and whistles?

IDK where I'm going with this. I love art. I love making dumb, silly porn. But more and more, especially after the discovery of an artist I communicated with frequently was an actual pedophile, I've been looking back at the art I've drawn the last couple years with discomfort and, dare I be so dramatic, a little shame.
It's a sucky feeling! Should I just unfollow everyone, become a hermit, and only transmit my art in the form of mail pigeons issued only to select nuns? Take a sabbatical to detox my dick? Who knows. All I do know is I sure wish I brought all this up in therapy yesterday when I had the chance, lmao

Right now I'm relaxing, enjoying my summer. Allowing myself grace to have days where I sleep in, where I take an extra long walk, where I don't draw anything at all. It's getting harder to remind myself I choose to draw because I like to draw, and I don't owe anyone a thin-